How do court reporters keep straight faces
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
>
> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
>
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>
> ______________________________ _________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
> ______________________________ ________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>
> ______________________________ _______________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>
> WITNESS: July 18th.
>
> ATTORNEY: What year?
>
> WITNESS: Every year.
>
> ______________________________ _______________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>
> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>
> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
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> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>
> ______________________________ ____________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
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> WITNESS: I forget..
>
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
>
> ______________________________ ______________________________ _____
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
> ______________________________ ______
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
>
> WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
>
> ______________________________ _____________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
>
> ______________________________ ___________
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
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> WITNESS: Getting laid
>
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
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> WITNESS: Yes.
>
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
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> WITNESS: None.
>
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.. Can I get a new attorney?
>
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>
> WITNESS: By death.
>
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
>
> ______________________________ ____________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
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> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
>
> ______________________________ _______
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
> ______________________________ ________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
>
> ______________________________ ___________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>
> WITNESS: Oral...
>
> ______________________________ ___________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
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> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
>
> ______________________________ ______________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>
> ______________________________ ________
>
> And last:
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
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> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
>
> WITNESS: No.
>
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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