ALANRAYG2
01-30-2019, 11:57 PM
A redneck wrestler has beaten every opponent he's been up against and is now going international. Before the match against the Russian champion, his coach sits him down.
"Now, look, you're faster and more agile than this guy. He's big and strong, but just keep moving and let him tire himself out and you can beat him."
"Got it, coach," says the wrestler.
"One more thing," says the coach. "He's got this hold called the Pretzel Hold that no one has ever escaped from. Whatever happens, don't let him get you in the Pretzel Hold cause then it's all over."
"Got it, coach," says the wrestler. "Stay out of the Pretzel Hold."
The match starts and in five seconds the redneck is in the Pretzel Hold. A groan goes up from the American spectators and the coach buries his face in his hands, unable to watch.
Suddenly, there's a tremendous yell and a thump from the mat and the crowd bursts into cheers and applause. The coach looks up and sees the Russian out cold on the mat and the redneck standing over him. Before he can get up into the ring the crowd rushes in and hoists the redneck into the air, celebrating his victory.
Half an hour later, the coach and the redneck are alone and able to talk.
"What happened out there?" asks the coach. "I mean, one second you're in the hold, and next thing I know, you've won. How?"
"Well," says the redneck, "I don't know how he got me in the hold so fast, but once I was in it, I was pretty much unable to move anything but my head. So, I looked up, and there was a pair of testicles dangling right in front of my face. So, I did the only thing I could do. I craned my neck forward and bit down."
"Ah, so that's how you beat him?" said the coach.
"Not exactly," said the wrestler. "You'd be surprised how much strength you have when you've just bitten down on your own testicles."
"Now, look, you're faster and more agile than this guy. He's big and strong, but just keep moving and let him tire himself out and you can beat him."
"Got it, coach," says the wrestler.
"One more thing," says the coach. "He's got this hold called the Pretzel Hold that no one has ever escaped from. Whatever happens, don't let him get you in the Pretzel Hold cause then it's all over."
"Got it, coach," says the wrestler. "Stay out of the Pretzel Hold."
The match starts and in five seconds the redneck is in the Pretzel Hold. A groan goes up from the American spectators and the coach buries his face in his hands, unable to watch.
Suddenly, there's a tremendous yell and a thump from the mat and the crowd bursts into cheers and applause. The coach looks up and sees the Russian out cold on the mat and the redneck standing over him. Before he can get up into the ring the crowd rushes in and hoists the redneck into the air, celebrating his victory.
Half an hour later, the coach and the redneck are alone and able to talk.
"What happened out there?" asks the coach. "I mean, one second you're in the hold, and next thing I know, you've won. How?"
"Well," says the redneck, "I don't know how he got me in the hold so fast, but once I was in it, I was pretty much unable to move anything but my head. So, I looked up, and there was a pair of testicles dangling right in front of my face. So, I did the only thing I could do. I craned my neck forward and bit down."
"Ah, so that's how you beat him?" said the coach.
"Not exactly," said the wrestler. "You'd be surprised how much strength you have when you've just bitten down on your own testicles."